This is a repost of something I put up on our old forum:
I found this posted on some forum while I was looking for um...something I don't remember right now. I thought
it was hilarious, hopefully you guys will get a kick out of it. Obviously this person was not having a good
experience with his/her mage. I have no idea who the author is, but it appears that he was playing PWI.
BTW I am NOT saying Mages suck...so please all our members of that class don't KOS me for posting this. If
anyone thinks Mages are no good just ask someone to tell u about Sgtice or Warband, or Sappy from Warlord or
Oracle from Rage, or any number of good mages.
Anyway here it is...
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Ok, you're a wizard grats, wizards are one of the most needed classes. For we are the ONLY class that can be
raped, slaughtered, murdered, 1 shotted, headshott'ed, ganked, pwned, owned, lol'ed at, so we reduce all other
classes calling themself underpowered. We are essensial to the survival of human dignity in pvp. Please reach
30 to pvp, reach lv89 to suck.
Skills:
Pyrogram : fires(literally) a ball of pure suckage that deals damage depending on how low your hp is.
Gush : Create a pillar of water that does nothing but annoy the hell out of melee right before they 1 shot you
Stone Rain : drop a load of crap on your enemy, making them annoyied enough to kill you
Pyroshell : burn yourself
Ice barrier : slows you down to get 1 shotted
Earth Shield : Reduces all physical damage inflicted by 0%
Crown of flames : makes your enemy look cute with a crown, does nothing.
hailstorm : skill used to make you waste spirit and coin
Divine pyrogram : fire a bigger ball of useless crap that takes longer to channel then to get 1 shotted
Morning Dew : skill to use as a white flag signaling "i give up"
PitFall : Skill used to describe your current status
Dragon's Breath : Skill used to show off to other players, increases chance to get 1 shotted by 100%
Wellspring Quaff : This skill increases your time before becoming useless by 50%
Distance Shrink : Skill used to piss every single class off, reduces chance of getting 1 shotted by 50%
Will of the Phoenix : closest we will get to having a phoenix 1 shot other people
Frostblade : most useful skill, allows other players to want a mage in party Max immedidly<----
SandStorm : Skill used to tick an enemies charm before dying
EmberStorm : Skill used to commit suicide so that other people cant kill you
Glacial Snare : Fires three arrows that deal 0 damage, pisses off all classes badly
Force of will : buys you time to run away depending on skill level
Blade Tempest : fires multiple badly animated fireballs
Black ice dragon : Charges up an ice dragon that has a 95% chance of getting interrupted
Mountain's Sieze : Closest thing we get to a stun
Undine Strike : Lowers defenses of your enemy by 60% so other people may kill him/her while you get 1 shotted
Sophomoric WHisper : Skill to make us happy that we have something clerics can do
Elemental Shell : used to piss clerics and other wizards off
Essencial Sutra : Skill to tell your enemy to stun you for 6 seconds
Masteries : Decreases chance of losing MP charms
Lvl 100 skills : Skills used to show how much time was wasted leveling a useless class.
Sparks : at 29(or39?) you get a skill called spark. this gives you a 1 second immunity to 1 shots.
at 59 youll get advanced spark, same thing, but 2 second immunity.
finally at 89, you can choose between demon or angel spark. Both have 1 effect, 3 second immunity to 1 shots.
Now, pvp tactics for Lv70-99+
Venomancers : If they have phoenix, strech a bit before returning to town
If they dont, then run since youll die anyway
Clerics : Run
BM/WB with XS : Run
WM/WB without XS : slow them then run
Archer : Silence before they can stun and run
Wizard : become best friends and get 4 other wizards so that you can actually kill someone
For 50-69
Veno : run, if they have phoenix, afk
WB : run, if they turn into tiger, swear at them before dying
BM : run, if they sprint then go grab a snack while waiting for town button.
Archer : afk, you're dead
Clerics : run (only class we have a chance of surviving with)
For 30-49:
Veno : if they got phoenix, you are dead, if not, you are still dead
WB : you're dead
BM : you're dead
archer : you're dead
cleric : ^DURR^
Now, builds:
Full int : Put everything into int to deal 2% more damage, increases chance of getting 1 shotted by 75%,
decreases faith in wizards by 100%
Light armor : Deal less damage then an afk veno with pet on defensive and reduces chance of getting 1 shotted
by 5%. Enough str and dex for your reduction in 1 shot equipment, pour other points into int, we'll need it
being anyone who makes a wizard is dumber then a rock. Decreases faith in wizards by 100%
Hybrid : add int and vit and str any way you want, youll suck either way. Decreases faith in PWI by 60%
Heavy wizard : Best build to do what we do best : piss other classes off. Increases usefulness by 275%,
decreases faith in wizards by 100%
Melee wizard : hey, we are already useless, might as well go for the gold. everything in str and dex. remember
to max frostblade
Bow wizard : same thing as melee wizard, only now you deal slightly less damage, for increased range, max
frostblade aswell
Monk wizard : do not use a weapon, youll lose more money repairing it then killing, also do not wear any armor,
costs more money to repair then you gain.
Loot wizard : wizard created at level 29 best build of them all, as this build is immune to 1 shots, and
amplifies our piss-off level by 500%. best for looting at undine grind spots or fish.
Facepalm wizard : female, with maximum bust size, generally used to beg for money and/or items since we will be
extremely poor. best suited for levels under 30
Dumb wizard : suited for 89+, spending months of work to realize wizards suck
Now here are your stats and what they do :
Vit : Decreases chance of getting 1 shotted by 0.01% per point
Int : the higher this is, the lower yours is.
Dex : increases % of running away from other classes
Str : best stat, allows us to do damage without being 1 shotted or interrupted.
Grinding areas :
Level1-29, do quests
30-99+, safe zone if you are in a pvp server, stop reading this if you are on a pve server
As for your equipment sockets, add any gem you want, youll get 1 shotted with anything. Unless you are heavy,
then add mana shards to make yourself look cool.
If you are short on cash, create any other class.
Wizards primary role in parties is to give melee frostblade, and as a distraction for mobs that will wipe the
main party.
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Thu Jul 01, 2010 2:16 am
